ARE YOU STRUCK IN THE PAST?

Some of us are struck in the past because of mistakes made and some of us can’t fully enjoy life now because nothing compares to what they had.

Coming of age in the eighty’s was a wild ride, and some of us tried everything we could get our hands on. In the words of Rick James, “Cocaine is a powerful drug.” We were reckless and some of us paid a heavy price. I know that it was by the grace of God that I did not suffer too greatly from the consequences of irresponsible choices. I saw beautiful young men and women destroyed by drug addictions. I saw dreams casted aside because of mistakes made.

In my second book, Finally Doing Me! Phoebe became addicted to crack cocaine with her boyfriend Tyrone. Phoebe became struck in the past afraid to move forward because of mistakes made and events of the past. Reading how Phoebe wasted so much of her life struck in the past, unable to forgive herself will hopefully allow others to forgive themselves.

In my first book, Bittersweet, Eloise could never fully enjoy the life that she had because of the past. Eloise experienced something that all girls dream of. She falls in love with the man of her dreams, and he becomes the love of her life. After years of heartbreak Eloise is able to appreciate the past for what it was and allows herself to move forward and live her life.

We all have a past and have made mistakes. We all have loved someone, and probably lost someone that we loved. Some of us may feel that our best days were in the past. Whatever the case may be, we can not become struck in the past. We have to forgive ourselves and learn the lessons that will allow us to make better choices in the future. We have to cherish the past and know that nothing can stay the same. Changes in life is inevitable, change can be hard and even scary. But change is necessary to keep moving forward in life. Change keep life fresh and exciting if you embrace it.

As I get older and weather the storms in my life, I keep telling myself that getting old is not for the faint of heart, and I make myself find something beautiful in each day. I am thankful that God keeps moving me forward even when I’m afraid.

DID YOU EVER FIND YOURSELF?

When you were just starting out on your independent life. The life that you would have under your own roof. Could you have imagined that you would have gone through so much and still be standing. Sometimes when I look back over my life, I wonder how I got here.

The first part of my life was good. I wore homemade dresses, ate spam sandwiches, but yet I didn’t know that my family would have been considered poor or lower income. There was nothing poor about my childhood. My early years were full of laughter, people, music, fights, loud characters, and loving parents. My parents shared their home with others even though they had six mouths to feed. People and sometimes families stayed with us until they could get a job and find a place of their own.

My life was pretty easy, even when I left home and paid my own way. The life lessons that I learned were hard from a young woman’s perspective. But they were nothing compared to what I would endure in my latter years.

Sometimes I sit down and look back on the things that I have been through. The things that could have made me give up. The things that could have destroyed me and I thank God for his grace and mercy.

When I graduated from high school, I had no idea who or what I wanted to be. So, I did the practical thing and worked 40 years at Los Angeles Superior Court. It wasn’t always easy, and it wasn’t always hard. I am thankful for the opportunities that job afforded me. I was able to support myself and my son. But it wasn’t until after I retired that I found myself. In my sixties I have become a writer of African American Women’s Fiction. So, the things that I went through, and things that I saw other women experience have all worked together to allow me to find myself. I can not tell you how cathartic it is for me to write these blogs and books about the African American Women’s quest for love, joy, peace, and the answers to who she is, and how she came to be in the place that she finds herself.

My books examine the complexities of women’s lives as they go about living their lives. I hope that you are entertained by my work, and I hope you will find something of value in it.

DO YOU WEAR THE MASK?

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes, ----

This debt we pay to human guile; ….

The poem, "We Wear the Mask," by Paul Laurence Dunbar, still rings true. There once was a time that we wore the mask to insulate ourselves from the attacks and the ugliest of hateful people. We would slip on the mask as we left the comfort of our homes. The mask was an unspoken tool that we used to retain our humanity and protect our hearts.

As a child we witnessed how our parents were at home and how they were in the world. As we grew up and ventured into a world where people assumed things about us because of the color of our skin, the shape of your lips and the length of her hair, we too slipped on the mask. But today more of us are wearing the mask everywhere and all the time. Some of us are unable to remove the mask even in the presence of the people that we love. Because people have hurt and disappointed us, we don’t trust anyone, and the mask has become more than it was used for in the past. The mask not only covers our pain, tears, disappointments, and fears, it keeps us from being ourselves. The mask can keep us from revealing who we are to our children and loved ones. It can also keep us from knowing ourselves.

Why should the world be over-wise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the mask.......

I agree with the above stanza of the poem, but that applies to the world. We have to let the people that matter the most to us see our tears, disappointments, fears, and failures. We have to acknowledge to ourselves that we hurt, that we have been disappointed and that we have missed the mark.

It’s not always easy to take off the mask, but to me the mask is a tool that I use when needed but is not how I live.

Do you wear a mask and if so, do you remove it with the people that you love?